I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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