you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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