physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize