Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
