Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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