the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
