is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
