he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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