It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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