We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
