Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize