legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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