He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
