She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Come on in and take your pants off
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