Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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