is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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