i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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