my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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