Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
