update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
