I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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