Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize