I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
