Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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