You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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