Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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