You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
