Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
