Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
