You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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