i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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