No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
