there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
