She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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