I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
