GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
