I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
