someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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