If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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