my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
