I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
