Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
