I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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