Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
