there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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