It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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