she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we should paint friendship bongs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
