I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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