maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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