Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
