For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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