toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
