at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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