some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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