thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
