Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
