I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
