Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you win again, gameday.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
