please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
