Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
