you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
