CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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