I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I AM VODKA MAN
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
