Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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