I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize