If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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