Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
